The power of Christ really does need to compel some people in Hollywood.
An unintentionally hilarious video of pastor Bob Larson performing a TV exorcism on a debatably gay man has gone viral. But while this exorcism was bogus, it got us thinking about the celebrities who could use a legit one. The behavior of several famous folks makes us think they’ve got evil spirits either lurking inside their homes or their bodies that need to be cast out immediately. Plus, think of the headlines if their heads spun around while spewing up green bile Exorcist-style! In honor of Halloween taking place tomorrow, check out our roundup of the top 10 celebrities who could really use an exorcism!
When Mel gets angry, his rage rivals anything from the most terrifying horror movies ever. Plus, he hates everyone. Need proof? Listen to one of the hidden tape recordings created by his ex-girlfriend. It sounds like even the demon spirit inside Mel realizes he’s in over his head and trying to get out ASAP. He’s already released $500 million from his wallet in the largest divorce payout in Hollywood: why not Satan from his body?
Clearly, something is ailing Lindsay. We refuse to believe that someone could receive as many chances as she has and squander them all without something beyond this world driving those actions for her. If she got an exorcism, we’re willing to bet she’d immediately transform back to Mean Girls Lindsay and wonder what the hell just happened.
Exorcisms are sometimes performed to get rid of spirits that are verbally or physically assaulting a person in their home. And assuming all the reports of Rihanna and Chris Brown getting back together are true, it’s safe to say she’s a good candidate for this. Because with his woman-beating, homophobic ways, we’re pretty sure Breezy is the devil. Just saying.
Only someone possessed would try to take the music of Nirvana and turn it into a Broadway musical. But that’s Courtney for you. And that doesn’t even count the incidents of insulting her own daughter Frances Bean Cobain over Twitter or starting feuds with Kelly Osbourne and other celebrities for no reason at all. Evil spirits, come out!
Seriously, can Kate get along with anyone? Not only did she manage to drive her ex-husband away, she managed to piss off two separate networks with her crazy diva antics and was even publicly trashed by a coupon blogging site she recently worked for. Maybe an exorcism would make Kate a little more likable. Plus, if someone agreed to film it for a reality show, we’re pretty sure she’d do it.
Only someone truly possessed by an evil spirit would ever cheat on Sandra Bullock, let alone with the super-trashy tatted chicks Jesse did it with. And we have the feeling he’s never given more than an “I’m sorry, but...” apology is because the devil simply feels no remorse.
Okay, look. If you’re gonna do a gay exorcism on TV, do it right. First, get an (allegedly! allegedly!) gay man. Secondly, get one who really doesn’t want to be gay. And most importantly, get a better actor!
See Tom Cruise.
Naomi only follows one religion: Naomi Campbell. And it’s a very literal interpretation. If you don’t obey it to the letter, she will beat your ass with a cell phone and show nothing but pride about it. Someone who takes a vacation every six weeks and still manages to be that irritable clearly has something in them that needs to be released.
Talking about tiger blood and Warlocks sounds a little too much like a Satanic ritual to us. And only the devil would allow to someone to willingly walk away from a $40 million contract for the easiest gig in Hollywood. Let’s get this exorcism going so we can return to the semi-douchy Charlie we all knew and kinda-sorta liked.
Who do you think needs an exorcism most?
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