Just like millions of women and girls around the world Nicole Scherzinger has had to deal with body image issues and trying to fit into society’s “perfect woman” mold. In a new candid interview with Behind the Music, she opens up, for the first time, about her battle with bulimia that she dealt with while fronting the popular girl group The Pussycat Dolls.

“Yeah, I’m nervous about it,” Nicole admits about letting the world know about her past struggles. “It’s embarrassing. I never spoke about it… I guess it was like my addiction, right? I never did drugs, but kinda doing things to myself was my addiction. It’s like when I got off stage, I was on this high, and I’d come back to my room and I’d be alone, so I would just do thing. My bulimia was my addiction; hurting myself was my addiction.”  

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Going into more detail about her disorder, Nicole explains, “I just hated myself. I hated myself. I really was so disgusted with myself and so embarrassed. I felt so alone. I was in a group, and I never felt so alone in my life.”

While Nicole has gotten herself healthy, her eating disorder went on for year and her PCD bandmates weren’t oblivious to her secret. “I did it every day for, like years,” she says. “Every time I had a second to be alone, I was doing something to myself. You get, like, blisters on your hands or scars on your hands, and I’d try to hide those. I think the girls could tell.”

You can catch even more of Nicole’s confession during her Behind the Music episode on Sunday, October 7th at 9 PM.

What do you think about Nicole’s past struggles? Are you surprised?