Hey, Buffy — better head to Hollywood! With Halloween approaching, we’re bound to see plenty of fanged ones in the next few weeks — especially since the likes of True Blood, Twilight, and The Vampire Diaries have made being undead look ultra-sexy.
But what if ithere's a larger reason Hollywood is so obsessed with vampires? When we got to thinking about all the celebrities out there whose fame comes with a few unusual quirks, our eyebrows raised at a few in particular — from the ageless to the soulless to the truly bizarre. And then it hit us — some of these stars actually are vampires. Like, totally, seriously, for the purpose of this post, legit vampires.
So grab some garlic and put your crucifix on, because we'll unearth the sinister truth about 10 such stars below!
1. Nicolas Cage
The Evidence: Well, there’s the above photo, which compares Nic to a suspiciously Nic-like Civil War-era man from Tennessee who is said to rise every 75 years. But photographic evidence aside, the Ghost Rider star is so eccentric, there’s no way he’s not at least a little evil. In the past decade, Nic has bought multiple castles. He’s also been plagued with financial problems in recent years, which doesn’t make sense given the insane number of movies he’s made and his hefty asking price. Clearly that cash has gone toward nefarious purposes, like defending his many homes when villagers show up with pitchforks, trying to kill him.
The Evidence: She may be living the domestic life with Brad Pitt and their sizable family now, but remember the old Angelina, who wore a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck and liked to cut her partners with knives during sex? Yep — The Maleficent starlet’s ethereal, haunting beauty seems like it could only be achieved through supernatural means, and frankly, we’re not convinced that her ever-expanding brood of children aren’t secretly just a legion of minions.
The Evidence: Does Brad have a thing for bloodsuckers? In addition to his relationship with the obviously vampiric Angelina, he also famously dated Jennifer Aniston. In the time since, Brad has matured from pretty boy to a confident, slightly grizzled fortysomething... and Jenn? Not so much. In fact, she looks exactly the same as when she starred on Friends, haircut and all. Our theory? Angelina bit her right around when all that Mr. & Mrs. Smith drama was going down. Someone better warn Justin Theroux before it's too late!
The Evidence: She has an aversion to daytime (or loves the nighttime), is constantly in trouble and her croaky voice makes her sound at least 100 years old. No wonder Lilo’s such a creature of the night — she’s a vampire! There are constant rumors of her addiction battles, but we suspect her main vice is the blood.
The Evidence: We know what you’re thinking — the Twilight star is a vampire? Too obvious! But think about it — what better way to hide your closeted neck-biting habit than to star in one of the most popular vampire franchises of all time? She’s pale, she’s pouty and she probably saved Summit a ton of money on special effects for Breaking Dawn Part 2 by having actual fangs. Plus, how could anyone but a soulless walking corpse cheat on Robert Pattinson? Talk about driving a stake through someone’s heart!
6. Christopher Walken
The Evidence: Just look at him. He’s so creepy! Though Christopher is from Queens, he seems to have a slight accent that we've never been able to place, so let's assume it's Transylvanian. He's never quite seemed to be of this time (or of this planet, frankly). We wouldn’t be surprised if the oddball Seven Psychopaths star turned out to be Dracula himself.
7. Betty White
The Evidence: Don’t let the "sweet old lady" exterior fool you. We’re pretty sure Betty White is an undead supernatural creature who drinks the blood of innocents for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Golden Girls debuted in 1985, and Betty was already playing an old lady then. Nearly 30 years later, the rest of the cast is sadly no longer with us, yet this busy comedienne has shown no signs of slowing down. At 90 years old, most ladies sit around watching soaps and are in bed by 4 PM — but not Betty. Only demonic powers could allow her to stay this active at such a ripe old age, which means we won't be seeing this Golden Girl in a coffin any time soon (unless it's daytime, when she's sleeping).
8. Lana Del Rey
The Evidence: You'd have Summertime Sadness too, if you couldn't be seen in direct sunlight. Given her penchant for bygone fashions and her old-school sound, Lana was clearly bitten sometime in the 60’s (when Nancy Sinatra was popular) and never got the memo that times, they were a-changin’. Her dour persona just screams "stake me!"
9. Abraham Lincoln
The Evidence: In recent years, we’ve learned that the beloved 16th president of the United States also moonlighted as a vampire hunter before his supposed assassination. But we think Lincoln might have died even earlier, via fangs, and unless John Wilkes Booth used wooden bullets, he's still around. Clearly Abraham has been laying low over the past couple centuries, until he heard Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln was casting, and he decided he couldn't let the role go to anyone else. Yes, technically the role is credited to Daniel Day-Lewis, but that's obviously a stage name. There’s no way the dead ringer in that trailer could be played by anyone but Honest Abe himself.
Did we miss any blood-sucking stars? Let us know in the comments!
Photos Courtesy of FameflyNet