We know it’s tempting ― it’s Black Friday, time to spend, spend, spend. You see an item endorsed by your favorite celebrity, and you want to buy it. Not because it’s a great product. But because they said it’s a great product, or at least thought it was good enough to put their name on.
Well, newsflash ― stars put out a lot of merchandise that isn’t quite up to snuff. Products they wouldn’t be caught dead having in their own home or closet, unless it had their smiling face on the packaging.
So this Black Friday, shop smart and stay away from the worst star-sponsored products. We’ve rounded up a list of the 13 products you should definitely not place in your shopping cart this holiday weekend.
1. Mike “The Situation” ― Couture Lollipop
Lots of parents use lollipops as stocking stuffers at Christmas, but that’s because they’re cheap. However, Mike “The Situation” has sponsored a “couture” lollipop from The Sugar Factory that costs $25 a pop! (Sorry.) It’s authentically Italian because it’s red, white, and green like Italy’s flag, see? Talk about a sticky “Situation”… (Sorry again.) Our best advice ― don’t put anything associated with Jersey Shore in your mouth.
2. Victoria Beckham ― Range Rover
Because who doesn’t want an automobile engineered by a Spice Girl? Range Rovers sure are Posh, and those tinted windows make it easy to stay out of sight of paparazzi. But unless you’re already a celebrity, you probably don’t have $150k to drop on Victoria’s custom Range Rover Evoque, with a limited number of only 200 manufactured. But gosh, it's hard to turn her down, isn't it? She looks so excited in the photo!
3. The Kardashians ― Kardashian Kollection & QuickTrim
If you want to look like a jungle cat, Kim, Khloe, and Kourteney have you got you covered (in spots). If you want to look like a Kardashian, however? Here’s a tip ― don’t buy their clothes. Word on the Kardashian Kollection is it’s pretty krappy and very low kuality, which is not a surprise considering it’s available exclusively at Sears. (Has a Kardashian ever shopped at Sears? Don’t think so.) You should probably also avoid the Kardashian-endorsed QuickTrim diet pill, since it’s loaded with kaffeine and works as a laxative. Nothing says glam like running to the bathroom every five minutes when you’re trying to shoot a sex tape!
4. One Direction ― UGG Boots
Things that make you say “Ugh.” Nothing says “Get out out, get out, get out of my way” like a pair of UGG boots emblazoned with 1D’s logo, part of the One Direction Surfwear Collection. (Surfing in UGGs? Maybe it's a thing Down Under.) In our humble opinion, these boots need to go in one direction ― straight to the nearest trash receptacle. Attention, shoopers: this is not what makes you beautiful.
5. Twilight ― various disturbing items
It’s no shocker that Twilight fanaticism has spawned some pretty awful products, but the level of true creepiness is a bit surprising. There’s a chilling shroud to put above your bed, a wall decal that says “Be safe” with the silhouette of a 107-year-old dead man watching yousleep, a fanged baby doll, a fan-made felt replica of Bella’s womb. Yes, Bella’s womb. If you but this, please be advised you are Twi-ing waaaay too hard.
6. The Hunger Games ― Snuggie & panties
Does it strike anyone as odd that a series about the evils of materialism and soulless corporate sponsorship should then inspire a lot of soulless material products? No? Okay. A Snuggie might actually have been useful for Katniss to find in the Cornucopia ― it gets cold in the Arena at night! But that doesn’t mean we approve of non-tribute usage. Nor can we get behind this pair of pink Peeta panties, complete with an awkward bakery graphic and the double entendre "A sensitive soul... with great buns." Now “slipping Katniss a loaf of bread" just sounds… wrong.
7. KISS ― casket
The KISS Kasket (yes, with a K) once went for $4,700 and doubled as a cooler. Because who doesn’t need a $4,700 cooler? Now it runs for a more affordable $3,299 and is spelled the normal way, with a C. If this product appeals to you, then you probably belong in one.
8. Paris Hilton ― The Creativity Collection
When you think “creative,” who comes to mind? Martha Stewart? Alexander McQueen? Um… Paris Hilton? With the Creativity Collection, “style, elegance, and glamour encounter the universe of arts and crafts” (oh, it’s a whole universe now?), aimed at “sophisticated and savvy young ladies in search of trend and prestige.” Never mind that zero of these words can be applied to Paris, but since when is arts and crafts a “trend”? Is it 1952? We call BS on this endorsement ― the most “sophisticated” thing Paris Hilton ever crafted was a vodka tonic.
9. Jessica Simpson ― Hairdo hair extensions
Have you ever scowled in the mirror at your short, woefully un-Jessica-Simpson-like tresses and wished, “Man, I wish I could just scalp Jessica Simpson and put her hair on my head?” Well, why grow your hair naturally when you can buy it? Hairdo has the solution ― extensions that will make you look just like “hair icon” Jessica. (But do they lower your IQ, too?) Hey, at least it's better than her edible body wash.
10. Lady Gaga ― shoe cookie
Last holiday season, Gaga debuted this cute shoe cookie at Barney’s, inspired by the kicks she wore in her iconic “Bad Romance” video, designed by Alexander McQueen. So how much could a designer cookie like this possibly go for? $3? $5? Maybe even $10? Actually… try $95. Yes, this one cookie costs almost $100, which is more than a lot of people spend on meals in an entire week.
11. Justin Bieber ― singing toothbrush
Before the decidedly unofficial Just-In Beaver sex doll tainted his image, there was the Official Justin Bieber Singing Toothbrush, which was the only way most Beliebers could get Justin close to their mouths. It comes complete with two buttons, one for morning and one for night, alternating between the appropriate “U Smile” and the less-apt “Baby.” Think there’s any chance they’ll update this product with new songs now that Believe is out, switching between “As Long As You Brush Me” and “Toothpaste And A Beat”?
12. Kirstie Alley ― Poise pads
Kirstie Alley may not have created this product, but we are holding her responsible for the wince-inducing advertisement. You’ve heard of the Tooth Fairy, who comes in the middle of the night to exchange cash for lost teeth. Now meet the Poise Light Bladder Leakage Fairy, who… well, frankly we’re not sure if there’s any urine-for-dollars exchange going on here, but as portrayed by Kirstie, she apparently flits in to swap your “period pads” for a Poise LBL pad, cracks wise, then demands that you find her a “hot guy.” Bossy fairy! We guess the comedy is supposed to make it okay to LOL about LBL… just don’t laugh so hard you pee yourself, because with 1 in 3 women supposedly suffering from this affliction, Kirstie’s got a lot of restrooms to visit.
13. Snookie ― sneaker slippers
Hmm. On second thought, those 1D UGGs aren’t so bad after all...
So, what have we learned here today? Just because it has a celebrity's face on it does not mean you need this product. Shop smart, everybody!