What is it about a baby bump that makes celebrities want to shed their apparel like they're on spring break?
While most expectant mothers slip into some comfy maternity sweats and wait out the nine months until it’s time to show skin again, as ever, stars do things differently. They get naked. Super naked. Like, Playboy naked. They roll around on the floor in nothing but heels with a level of shamelessness even Rihanna would wag a finger at, claiming they've never felt sexier.
Now, don’t get us wrong ― pregnancy is a beautiful, natural state, and all women should love their bodies at every stage in the process. But do we need see every inch of them?
As Sienna Miller joins the ranks of women of who have dared to bare it all while expecting, here’s our round-up of birthday suit bumps ranked from most tasteful to tackiest.
1. Demi Moore
The trendsetter, so she gets points for taking a risk in being first. Credit Demi for every star with a bun in the oven who ever stepped in front of a camera since. (Oh, and as a point of comparison? Ashton Kutcher was thirteen years old when this cover happened.)
2. Cindy Crawford
Possibly the most iconic of these, and one of the least visibly pregnant. Cindy doesn’t look much more pregnant than we do after a big lunch, but that’s why she’s a supermodel. And back in the 90’s, showing a sexy supermodel’s pregnant belly was a big deal. Now? Not so much.
3. Jessica Simpson
"See, Nick? See what you're missing?" Jessica adopts the classic Demi/Cindy stance (right arm breasts, left arm belly) and maintains a little grace and dignity, unlike some of the pop stars you'll find below.
4. Tia Mowry
From Sister Sister to Mother Fetus. No, we never really had any desire to see either of the Mowry twins nude and knocked up, but as naked preggers photo ops go, this one is reasonably tasteful. Though we can't help but notice ― even though the stars are perfectly willing to go au natural in front of the camera, they seem unwilling to give up the bling. Like that somehow makes them any less naked?
5. Britney Spears
Not to be outdone, Britney's bump was actually bared on two magazine covers ― Q and Harper's Bazaar. The suggestive lollipop on Q we could do without, while Britney’s Bazaar shoot might be more acceptable if it didn’t remind us of her dark pre-Blackout era and marriage to Kevin Federline. Of course, Brit got two lovely kids out of it, so it's not a total wash, but we still chalk these photo shoots up to the mental instability she suffered around this time.
6. Christina Aguilera
As goes Britney, so goes Christina. Apparently a skanky pregnancy photo is a prerequisite for pop stardom these days, but Xtina’s looks extra trashy ― her pose on the cover, and high heels? Seriously? We wish she'd taken the title of her album Back To Basics to heart, rather than Stripped. Because honey, this is one case in which we'd rather not see "Your Body."
7. Sienna Miller
Sienna gets some points for being artistic in this painting by artist Jonathan Yeo, but loses some for the time it took her to stand there modeling when she could have been, like, childproofing electric outlets and such. The actual painting is decidedly not censored, giving us the visual equivalent of TMI and raising questions about why some of her hair is invisible and some... isn't.
8. Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon
Forget the screaming "All About The Babies!" headline for a second. Including the father in the pictures is a nice, novel approach. But using his hands to cover the naughty bits is just kinda porny. We can guess how the twins were conceived, Mariah... we don't actually need to see it.
9. Anna Nicole Smith
We know, we know... you're shocked that Anna Nicole could possibly have the tackiest nude pregnancy shoot. And yet, here is the evidence. The gold paint alone might have been enough to earn Anna's spot on this list, but using your naked pregnant body to advertise the website of a casino? Well, that's just a special brand of tasteless.
Who's your favorite naked and pregnant star? Let us know in the comments!