Oh, Lilo ― has it come to this?
We’ve already seen one awkwardly-retro trailer for The Canyons, the mysterious new “movie” (can we call it a movie?) starring Lindsay Lohan, a guy from Glee, and a porn star. Now, here’s another, and it only confounds us more as to what the hell is going on here. Is the movie terrible? Or just pretending to be?
Well, it’s obviously terrible. But how intentional is that?
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Okay, so, from what we can glean here, Lindsay plays Tara, a woman being “used for something evil,” who is “torn between two loves” played by Glee’s Nolan Gerard Funk and adult film performer James Deen (not his real name, natch), whose other film credits include Big Wet Asses 20 and I Wanna Bang Your Sister. And given the production values of The Canyons, we’re not entirely sure this isn’t actually a porn, too.
We’d be willing to write this off if it didn’t come from writer Bret Easton Ellis (author of quintessential LA tome Less Than Zero) and director Paul Schrader (who wrote Taxi Driver and Raging Bull, AKA some of the best movies of all time). It also co-stars acclaimed Milk director Gus Van Sant as “Dr. Campbell.”
So, seriously… WTF?
The movie wasn’t shot in black-and-white. So clearly, the 50’s throwback style of the trailers is an advertising gimmick, but is the whole movie going to be like that? Is it as low-budget as it looks? Were they trying to make a cheesy, over-the-top B-movie with horrible production values, or was it an accident they decided to just go with in the marketing?
What is happening?!?
Regardless, we don’t have much faith that The Canyons will be anything more than fodder for more Lilo drinking games, just as I Know Who Killed Me and Georgia Rule are, and Liz & Dick surely will be. Which means that even if The Canyons isn't a great movie, it could be an amazing one ― the kind of cinematic experience that comes along only a couple of times a decade, when the right lack of talent aligns. We're talking Gigli. We're talking Showgirls.
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Could The Canyons possibly be that bad/good? Based on this trailer, we'd say it has a decent shot.
Are you curious about The Canyons? Let us know what you think!