Some messes are hot. Some messes are really hot. And some messes are so hot that you will land in the hospital with first degree burns if you go anywhere near them. (Are you listening, Max George?)
If 2012 doesn’t turn out to be the end of the world, it might at least be the end of both Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes, who kept making headlines virtually all year long for a series of increasingly ridiculous shenanigans that seem more like elaborate stunts than serious choices two once-promising young actresses could be making over and over again. Of course, Lilo was no stranger to being in the news for her very public blunders ― but who would have guessed she’d have such stiff competition in 2012’s Hot Mess Of The Year competition from Amanda?
Which child star turned walking disaster had the most outrageous year? Let’s look at the facts.
Lindsay’s Marilyn Monroe (or Amanda Lepore?)-esque January 2012 Playboy cover underwhelms in its sales, despite her $1 million payday and a massive buzz when the photos leaked in December 2011.
Judge Sautner tells Lindsay she’s in “the home stretch,” praising her progress. She lands the role of Elizabeth Taylor in Liz & Dick, announces a return to Saturday Night Live scheduled for March, and tellsToday that she’s a “homebody” and her party girl days are of the past. Go Lindsay!
Stop, Lindsay! Stop for pedestrians. Lindsay gets accused of “grazing” a man with her car outside Sayers Club in LA. Her SNL appearance gets a ho-hum response.
Meanwhile, Amanda swerves into the competition when she is pulled over for talking on her cell phone while driving, then flees the scene before the ticket can be written. She is not arrested and returns to the police station later to collect her ticket.
If we thought fleeing a ticket is bad, then hitting a cop car while driving under the influence is really naughty. Amanda side swipes a police car in West Hollywood then refuses a Breathalyzer, so she’s taken into police custody overnight and released on $5,000 bail.
Meanwhile, Lindsay catches ire for tardiness on the set of Glee and gets into a war of the words with Rosie O’Donnell.
Amanda tweets: "I can't help but laugh at all of you writing fake stories about me... I was not in any hit and runs. I don't drink so the DUI is false." (The only possible logical explanation for this tweet is that she was drunk.)
Amanda pleads not guilty, decides to take matter into her own hands and appeal to a higher authority: the President of the United States. She tweets: “Hey @BarackObama... I don’t drink. Please fire the cop who arrested me. I also don’t hit and run. The end.” The end, indeed ― the Commander-in-Chief neglects to respond. (We strongly suspect this was also a drunk tweet.)
Car troubles also plague Lindsay ― she gets into an accident with an 18-wheeler, which briefly puts her in the hospital. She claims she wasn’t driving. The truck driver claims she tried to pull an Amanda and flee the scene and her assistant attempted to bribe him. She is again hospitalized, this time for “exhaustion” and “dehydration” on the set of Liz & Dick. A controversial photo shoot with Terry Richardson depicts her holding a gun to her head.
Amanda rear ends someone on Ventura Blvd in Los Angeles, causing $800 worth of damage. True to form, she flees the scene.
Lindsay is banned from the Chateau Marmont for not paying over $46,000 in bills. Trouble brews on the set of Scary Movie 5 with the usual rumors of lateness, kleptomania, etc.
The stories intersect! Lilo tweets: “Why did I get put in jail and a nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?” (Just give it time, sweetie.)
This is, of course, after Amanda is charged with a hit and run, has her license suspended, and faces a year in jail. Lesson unlearned, she is photographed smoking from a pipe at the wheel of her car, then has her BMW impounded for again driving with a suspended license. She also locks herself in a boutique store dressing room for nearly two hours and attempts to scratch a paparazzo for not making her look beautiful. Nevertheless, she tells People she is “doing amazing” and planning a fashion line.
Meanwhile, Lindsay is arrested for clipping a man outside the Dream Hotel in New York, though the charges are later dropped due to lack of evidence. She is hospitalized for “asthma.”
Cops are called to Dina Lohan’s Long Island home after a long night of mother-daughter partying. Michael Lohan tapes a call with Lindsay and leaks it to TMZ. In the tape, Lilo says her mom is on coke; she later speaks to TMZ to say that she was lying. After a dramatic run, Lilo’s publicist calls it quits.
Lindsay learns about the half-sister she supposedly never knew she had. Liz & Dick debuts to tremendous reviews... tremendously bad, that is, spawning comparisons to some of the most laughable films ever made. Charlie Sheen lends Lilo $100,000 to help cover the $234,000 in taxes she owes from the past few years. Lindsay is arrested at a New York City club for allegedly striking a fortune teller, and also gains notoriety for a possible fling with a member of The Wanted.
Amanda makes headlines for allegedly walking around a tanning salon naked, but the story ends up being untrue.
Despite Charlie Sheen’s generosity, Lindsay is still having trouble paying rent on her $8,000 per month mansion. She catches flack from the Bravo show Million Dollar Decorators for not fulfilling her end of their agreement to appear on the show after a $200,000 renovation to her home. The IRS seizes her bank accounts. She now faces four criminal charges ― misdemeanor third-degree assault for the nightclub brawl plus three other charges for her June collision: 1) giving false info to police, 2) obstructing or resisting an officer, and 3) reckless driving. She’s still currently on probation for the theft of a necklace until May 2014.
Amanda is let off the hook for her hit and run cases.
While both actresses had messy incidents throughout 2012, Lindsay was the more consistently troublesome; and while Amanda's legal woes seem to be over for the time being (at least until she gets behind the wheel again), Lindsay is still facing all kinds of trouble that only began near the end of the year. Plus, after being a fixture in stories like this for the better part of a decade, we have less faith in Lindsay than... well, just about anyone.
Congrats, Lilo. You are the biggest hot mess of 2012! And, quite possibly, the century.
Which disaster-prone starlet do you think had a worse year?
Photos via Twitter, Instagram, and Fameflynet