Last night’s Golden Globes contained a few notable surprises, but the fact that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler killed it on stage wasn’t one of them. Shocking no one, the two ladies landed every one of their jokes (truly rare for an awards shot presenter) and yet did so with just the right amount of sass (as opposed to the occasionally too mean barbs of prior host Ricky Gervais).
Here’s a roundup of our favorite Tina/Amy bits and zingers from the night!
Amy cracks wise about substance abusing Hollywood:
“You can smell the pills from here.”
Tina on the length of the show:
“I promise we’ll wrap up at eleven. Eleven dark thirty at the latest.”
Amy, on Zero Dark Thirty:
"I haven't really been following the controversy over Zero Dark Thirty. But when it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron."
Amy on the Hollywood Foreign Press Association:
"When left untreated, HFPA can lead to cervical cancer."
Tina on the HFPA:
"There is no known cure for the Hollywood Foreign Press."
Amy and Tina on why prior host Ricky Gervais was conspicuously absent:
Tina: “Ricky Gervais could not be here tonight, because he is no longer technically in show business."
Amy: “We want to assure you that we have no intention of being edgy or offensive tonight, because as Ricky learned the hard way, when you run afoul of the Hollywood Foreign Press, they make you host this show two more times."
Tina and Amy on how they managed to look so damn good in those dresses:
Tina: "The Hunger Games was one of the biggest films of the year, and also what I call the six weeks it took me to get into this dress."
Amy: "Ang Lee has been nominated for the Life of Pi, which is what I’m gonna call the six weeks after I take this dress off!"
Tina to fellow Best Actress in a Comedy nominee Amy:
"You're my nemesis."
Tina and Amy's drunken bitterness at not winning:
Tina on Les Miserables:
“Anne Hathaway, you gave a stunning performance in Les Miserables. I have not seen someone so totally alone and abandoned like that since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars.”
Amy, on the Globes:
"Only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television."
Tina on Tarantino:
“Quentin Tarantino is here, the star of all my sexual nightmares.”
Amy on Meryl Streep, who probably seriously could be nominated for reading from a phone book:
"Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu — and I hear she’s amazing in it."
Tina jokes about Lena Dunham’s constant lack of apparel on Girls:
"If they are forcing you to do all that nudity, you have to tell us. Just give us some kind of signal and we will call child services. Wink or something."
Tina on Argo:
"Ben's first two movies took place in Boston, but he moved this one to Iran because he wanted to film somewhere that was friendlier to outsiders."
Amy, on the former president Bill Clinton’s introduction of Lincoln:
“That was Hillary Clinton’s husband!”
Tina, on Julianne Moore’s win for playing Sarah Palin:
“I used to win prizes for that too.”
Amy and Tina, poking fun at Taylor Swift’s love life:
Tina: "You know what, Taylor Swift, you stay away from Michael J. Fox's son.”
Amy: "Or go for it!"
Tina: "She needs some me time to learn about herself!"
Tina, on the night’s surprisingly buzziest star:
“We’re going home with Jodie Foster!”
You may have noticed this list of zingers is longer than pretty much any other awards show's. We will count that as a win for Tina and Amy, and request that they please, please, please come back and do this next year. And the Grammys, Oscars, Tonys, and Emmys too.
What was your favorite Tina/Amy moment?