Gluttons, start your binging!
It’s Fat Tuesday, that final day of indulgence before we give up our vices for Lent. (And by “we,” we mean “some people.” We here at Hollywire have no vices.) Tomorrow, with any luck, celebrities will be inspired by tradition and give up that harmful crutch that keeps them on our radar more often for their personal indiscretions rather than their work.
Here’s a round-up of what stars should get their fill of today… before letting go of it tomorrow.
1. Anne Hathaway
Should Give Up: Acceptance speeches
Anne should just stop whatever she’s doing right now and delve right into an acceptance speech. She should keep delivering it at midnight tonight and then she should just go cold turkey. She was already ridiculed for a very lengthy BAFTA acceptance speech, and her peppy turn at the Golden Globes wasn’t really appreciated either. So when she inevitably wins the Oscar for Les Miserables, she should simply say “Merci” and walk off with her trophy. It’d be the shocker of awards season.
2. Chris Brown
Should Give Up: Violating his probation
Frank Ocean may have decided not to press charges, and maybe nothing will come of those allegedly-faked community service hours, and perhaps driving while high off a blunt isn’t enough for Chris to face the courts again either. But one of these days, Breezy is going to violate his probation so egregiously that they’ll simply have to put him in jail. Perhaps he should quit breaking the law while he’s ahead. And, you know… hitting people.
Should Give Up: Chris Brown
Yeah, we know, everyone’s been saying this, and RiRi’s gonna make her own (bad) choices regardless. But try it for 40 days, Rihanna! Just see how it fits. Maybe date a nice nonviolent guy like, um… Zac Efron?
4. Justin Bieber
Should Give Up: Social media
We’re sure the Biebs doesn’t abuse social media more than any other American teenager. But given that virtually everything he tweets, Instagrams, Facebooks, and soforth becomes a national news headline, he could really stand to give himself and all the rest of us a break. And frankly, with the growing number of shirtless photos he's posting, we're worried that he's become addicted to basically sexting the entire world.
5. Lena Dunham
Should Give Up: Nudity
You might think this would be RiRi's vice, but the pop star has a surprising new challenger thanks to Season Two of Girls. We love that Lena is comfortable enough with her body to let it all hang out when her HBO show calls for it. But now that we’ve seen her breasts more often than we see our own reflection in a mirror, it may be time to keep her top (and bottoms) on for one entire Girls episode... if only as an artistic experiment. Otherwise, we’re worried Lena’s breasts may start demanding their own IMDb page and salary, and then perhaps even negotiate a spin-off.
6. Taylor Swift
Should Give Up: Writing songs about her exes
We’re onto you, Swifty. Once upon a time, Taylor’s songs were coy and somewhat vague, but she’s shown an increasing thirst for vengeance lately, most notably in her Harry-dissing Grammys performance. Isn't about time she tried another form of heartbreak catharsis, since this one clearly isn't working? Perhaps a sculpting class, or archery? Maybe a song about something besides all the terrible men in her life? After all, there's a fine line between artistic expression and whining...
7. Britney Spears
Should Give Up: Starbucks
We know you have a problem, Britney. So do we. That’s why we want to see you off the stuff. Because if we see you can do it, we’ll believe that we can... that anyone can... and there may just be hope for mankind after all.
Should Give Up: Perfection
So far in 2013, Beyonce’s back in a big way with an inauguration performance, the Super Bowl halftime show, a Grammy win, and an HBO documentary. She even wore pants to the Grammys and everyone still loved her for it! But she (or her publicist) did make one blunder, requesting that “unflattering” photos of her be removed from the internet. That, of course, only sparked the internet to create much, much, much more unflattering photos of Bey, and now they’re out there. Forever. It’s time to embrace the imperfection, Beyonce, and just let it all hang out. Show us who you really are, warts and all. We’ll still adore you… probably.
9. Lindsay Lohan
Should Give Up: Sooo much.
LiLo’s been known to get herself in trouble on Twitter as well as in real life. Basically, no atmosphere is safe for the Liz & Dick starlet. (Certainly not the set of another subpar movie.) It’s probably best if Lindsay spends the next 40 days in an empty, locked room with no wireless internet or cell service. Oh, wait a sec, that sounds an awful lot like jail, doesn’t it?
10. Kim Kardashian
Should Give Up: Her ego
With those parents, we sense one raging egomaniac of a baby on the way. The only hope this child has is if Kim purchases her own remote island far away from the eye of the media and moves there to deliver her babe. So come on, Kim! Do it for Little K! Give up all those narcissistic tabloid vices ― all the reality shows, all the “business” ventures. It’s only for Lent! (But in this case, Lent should probably be stretched from 40 days to 40 months.)
Which celebrity has the worst vice?
Photos Courtesy of Fameflynet