We can already tell this is a horrible, horrible idea. Charlie Sheen has been close friends with Lindsay Lohan since they filmed their love scene for Scary Movie 5, which led him to offer her $100,000 to pay off her numerous bills. Now Charlie is offering to be LiLo’s mentor. Oh goodness…

“I have a kinship with [Lohan], who clearly needs a mentor – whether she wants one or not,” Charlie said. “She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey.”

Charlie continued, “If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.” Okay, we’ll agree with him that, yes, Lindsay does need a mentor. But sorry, Charlie... you shouldn't be it. Instead, here are our humble suggestions for better wings Lindsay could find herself under.

 

1. Amanda Seyfriend

Amanda met Lindsay back in their Mean Girls days. Plenty of people kind of forgot about Amanda, focusing all the attention on Lindsay and Rachel McAdams. Well, fast forward years later and we find Amanda on the Oscars red carpet to support her Best Picture-nominated film Les Miserables. Amanda needs to give her movie pal a quick phone call and have her shadow her for a least a week to see how a real Mean Girl keeps a career going.

 

2. Tina Fey

Speaking of Mean Girls, how about writer and co-star Tina Fey? There isn’t anybody out there who doesn’t love and appreciate Tina (at least, we like to think so). She could channel her inner-Ms. Norbury and be Lindsay’s mentor just like she was to Cady in the film!

 

3. Jon Cryer

Maybe Lindsay just picked the wrong Two and a Half Men star to befriend? Sure, Charlie may not be as crazy as he was when he was on the show, but out of everybody in the cast, Jon seems to be the only one who hasn’t lost their cool –- we’re looking at you, Angus T. Jones. Jon has been able to not only stay with the show since the beginning, but also keep his mouth shut to the media and not trash it or its creators.

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4. Jamie Lee Curtis

Lindsay was still one of Disney’s good girls when she starred in Freaky Friday alongside Jamie Lee Curtis back in 2003. While the two may not have kept in touch throughout the years, it might be time that Jamie play the mother figure for Lindsay, since her actual mother Dina hasn’t really stepped up to the plate.

 

5. Drew Barrymore

If anybody knows a thing or two about having a downward spiral in their youth, it’s Drew. She got her big break at a young age, like Lindsay, but then caught the hard-partying bug -- smoking cigarettes at the age of 9, heavy drinking at 11, smoking marijuana at 12, and snorting cocaine at 13. She then checked into rehab at 13 and got her life together years later. Drew could guide Lindsay toward the right path... or maybe even scare her straight.

 

6. Demi Lovato

Another former Disney darling, Demi has always been very open about her struggles, mental and physical, since her stint in rehab back in 2010. Three years later, she’s still clean and working on making a difference in people’s lives. One girl that she could help? Yup, Lindsay Lohan!

 

7. Britney Spears

Okay, yes, we admit that Britney is still on shaky ground and doesn’t have her life 100 percent together, but she’s way more stable right now than Lindsay. When Britney went through her tough times in 2007, she was hanging around the same crowd as Lindsay and look where she is now! Maybe it could be the type of mentorship where they help each other –- with supervision, of course.

 

8. The Real Housewives of... Anywhere

Lindsay, maybe you should just drop out of the industry. Marry rich, have a few kids and just spend all day hitting the spa and gossiping with other housewives over glasses of Chardonnay. Let’s call this one a last resort.

 

Who do you think should be Lindsay’s mentor?