Before he was directing Disney starlets in their inaugural forays into bad behavior, Spring Breakers helmer Harmony Korine was engaging in his own illegal activities. He wrote the seminal indie film Kids at the age of 19, and the drug-addled antics of the teens in that movie don’t sound far from his own. Harmony was banned from Late Night with David Letterman back in the ‘90s, and as James Franco sussed out last night during an appearance, the reason why is pretty surprising... and seriously taboo.

At first, James was trying to defend Harmony, who “had a period where he was going a little off the rails” during his first (and only) three Letterman appearances in the mid '90s. And yes, “off the rails” seems like a good way to describe Harmony’s state of mind. But that third appearance got him banned from the show ― why?

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Well, James seemed to be under the impression that it was because Harmony pushed Meryl Streep backstage. Letterman cleared that up ― it was actually because he found Harmony going through Meryl’s purse! "True story,” he revealed. “And so I said, 'That's it, put her things back in her bag and then get out.'"

How crazy is that?

Sidenote: why did James think it was okay if Harmony pushed Meryl? You do not push Meryl Streep. Or steal from her purse. If there is one golden rule in Hollywood, it is this:

Don’t F-- with the Streep!!

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So what was in Meryl Streep’s purse that Harmony Korine wanted so badly, anyway? There’s the obvious answer ― money ― which Harmony probably needed to replenish his drugs, so he could do more insane things like steal from Meryl Streep’s purse. (It’s a cycle, see?) But there’s always the possibility that Harmony was looking for something more specific. More dangerous, even. What magical whatsits or dark secrets does Meryl have in that bag, anyway?

Here are 8 things we think Harmony Korine might have been hunting for in there...

 

1. Like, 12 Oscars

Meryl has so many awards, we're sure there's some she's forgotten about at the bottom of her purse. It's like when your breath mints spill and every time you reach your hand in to dig out your keys, you're like, "Oh yeah, I need to clean those out of there!", but then you immediately forget again. It's like that for Meryl Streep, except instead of breath mints, it's Oscars.

 

2. A copy of The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Acting

Hey, even Meryl probably needs to get back to the basics every now and then. Who says she didn't learn everything she knows from this enlightening series?

 

3. A flask

She's Meryl Streep, not Mother Theresa. Being the greatest is hard, people. Maybe Harmony was just hoping she had a little hooch on her...

 

4. A VHS copy of her greatest film role, Gail Hartman in The River Wild

In case she gets bored. The River Wild will entertain in any situation. Trust.

 

5. A sex tape of Meryl & Leonardo DiCaprio

Back in the late '90s, Meryl had just co-starred with Leo in Marvin's Room. Harmony might have known about it, and figured this was just the blackmail he needed to get Meryl to star in his next movie, Julien Donkey-Boy.

 

6. A sex tape of Meryl & Robert De Niro

Because we're not totally sure about #5, but Bobby D.N. was also in Marvin's Room, and he would totally bleep the Streep.

 

7. Renee Zellweger’s phone number

Meryl co-starred with Renee in 1998's One True Thing. Renee was kind of a big deal back then... perhaps Harmony had a thing for her, and wanted to re-enact his favorite moments from Jerry Maguire with the real deal.

 

8. A vial of this potion

Meryl looks pretty good for her age. Maybe there's a reason for that...

 

9. A gun, a neon bikini, and a ski mask

Was Meryl the inspiration for Spring Breakers? Is this what Harmony found in there, just before Letterman walked in on him? Perhaps Meryl is still waiting to don her spring break disguise and exact her revenge on Harmony for this little incident...

 

Do you think Harmany should remain banned from Letterman?

Photos Courtesy of Fameflynet