Gwyneth Paltrow is the most attractive woman in the world. Or possibly the worst human being on Earth. You will find these diverse opinions ― and everything in between ― easily and often, because love her or hate her, seemingly everyone has a strong opinion on the Woman Behind The GOOP.
People just called her the world’s most beautiful woman ― not too shabby. But she also got voted the Most Hated celebrity ― which made Anne Hathaway do a spontaneous cartwheel of joy! (Not really.) With Iron Man 3 kicking off summer movie season this weekend, it's time to take a good, hard look at this woman and wonder: what exactly makes Gwyneth Paltrow so polarizing?
Let’s break it down...
1. She Has An Oscar...
She cross-dressed her way to an Oscar in Shakespeare in Love, and hey, we like that movie! Even if her speech was a little mental breakdown-y, it was heartfelt and gracious.
2. ...But Only One.
Given that her first win was back in 1999, it's somewhat surprising that Gwyneth hasn't been nominated since. Even her worst movies aren't really the worst movies, as she's never had a bona fide disaster on her hands like some of her illustrious peers. Yet she hasn't had a role that generated much awards buzz since, well, Shakespeare in Love.
3. She Tries To Help Us...
Gwyneth could probably spend her time doing just about whatever the hell she wants. Yet she spends a lot of it on GOOP, her lifestyle site, attempting to help people eat and live healthier. That’s admirable, right?
4. ...But She Makes Us Feel Bad About Ourselves.
Unfortunately, not all of her GOOP recommendations are practical for people who don’t make millions per year. We would all love to have the time and money to live GOOP-approved lives, but we can’t! And it leaves us kind of resenting Gwyneth for pointing out all the things we're doing wrong. And all the cool stuff we can't afford. It just makes us want to eat lots of sugar and drink lots of alcohol and other things Gwynnie doesn't condone.
5. We Felt Sad When Brad Pitt Found Her Head In A Box…
In one of her earliest roles, Gwyneth was the sweet wife of Brad Pitt’s cop character in Se7en, and it was truly shocking and horrifying when she met a gruesome end.
6. ...But Enjoyed Watching Her Die Horribly Of Disease.
Some moviegoers took pleasure in seeing a post-GOOP Gwyneth meet a sudden tragic end in Contagion, as a deadly new virus chose her as its first victim. She had a loving husband in Matt Damon and two children ― even so, some people were on Team Virus rather than Team Gwyneth. Harsh!
7. She’s Brad Pitt’s Ex…
Speaking of Brad, remember how these two were an item back in the day? We always forget that! Before Jennifer, before Angelina, there was this golden couple. And they were kinda right together, at least back then.
8. …And Now Her Kid’s Name Is Apple.
Maybe she and Chris Martin are perfect for each other now. But would Brad have let her get away with this? Plenty of celebrities have doled out WTF baby names, but Gwyneth’s firstborn is a real head-scratcher. Apple? (Her second child, Moses, is only marginally better.)
9. She Gives Good Sex Tips...
Gwyneth apparently advised one of Chelsea Handler's friends to perform oral sex on a partner if they're fighting. Hmm. That's not terrible advice! If only she could perform oral sex on the entire world, maybe then no one could hate her…
10. ...But She Leaves Us Hungry.
As satisfying as Gwyneth's sex tips may be, it's doubtful that we'd leave her kitchen quite so pleased. No coffee, no alcohol, no dairy, no eggs, no sugar, no shellfish, no deep-water fish, no wheat, no meat, no soy... what does that leave us with? We are not celebrities. We do not have Coldplay money. We do not have the resources to eat according to her latest cookbook, It’s All Good, which should really be called It’s All Good & Expensive & Incredibly Difficult To Find Without A Nutritionist & Personal Shopper. That's why, if Gwyneth opened a restaurant, we're pretty sure it would include absolutely no food...
11. She Wore This, And Got Away With It...
At a recent Iron Man 3 premiere, Gwyneth dared go panty-less and avoided a wardrobe malfunction, showing just eonugh skin to get people talking.
12. ...But She Wore This, And Didn't Get Away With It At All.
Going underwear-less can be a problem, though, as this otufit clearly needed a bra (and a complete rethink).
13. Sometimes, She Evokes That Old Hollywood Glamour...
Gwyneth was born as Hollywood royalty to director Bruce Paltrow and actress Blythe Danner. No wonder she can come off as a little snooty! We can't blame her for embracing her destiny as a starlet and doing pretty well at it.
14. ...Other Times, She Thinks She’s A Little Blacker Than She Is.
For as much as Gwyneth fits into her Hollywood royalty role, she also occasionally has an indentity crisis and thinks she's a little more urban than she is. Your husband is in Coldplay, honey. He's not Jay-Z.
15. She Can Sing!
Whether it's her cover of "Let's Cruise" for Duets or her Emmy-winning role on Glee, Gwyneth has often merged her acting and singing voice, which is admittedly lovely.
16. ...But She Can Talk.
The I Hate Gwyneth club has a number of choice quotes from the actress that easily make her look like she's riding one very high horse. “I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup,” she said, which some people probably wish to put to the test. She also once made a rather unpatriotic claim: “I don’t fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans.” And there's plenty more where that came from.
17. She's Great In Iron Man...
How many performances in superhero movies are truly great? Not many. But Robert Downey Jr. elevated the genre with his Tony Stark, while Gwyneth evenly matched him, giving more charm and wit than you'd normally find in a role that basically adds up to "damsel in distress" as Pepper Potts.
18. And Also Pretty Rad In Royal Tenenbaums...
We don't often think of a chain-smoking sourpuss when we think of Gwyneth, but this role is one of her most playful. We should remember it more often.
19. And Yeah, She Is Pretty Beautiful.
People can't be faulted for claiming that Gwyneth is one hot lady, and holding up pretty well at 40.
20. Okay, Maybe We're Just Jealous.
Yes, we'd like to be famous and successful, and pal around with Beyonce and Steven Spielberg, and have a world-famous musician husband, and be voted the Most Beautiful Anything. Do we just hate her because we're jealous?
All in all, we think Gwyneth is a talented actress and probably a good person, even if she does occasionally say or do something that comes off as a tad pretentious. But you know what? She hasn't assaulted anyone, or been caught in any cheating or drug scandals, so we're giving her a our official Hollywire endorsement of approval.
Hear that? You're okay by us, Gwyneth!
Why do you think people hate on Gwyneth?
Photos Courtesy of Fameflynet and Getty