So, ya, I’m a total fan girl.  I’ve read all the Twilight books.  So, of course, I was at the midnight showing of Twilight last night–all amped up and ready to be entertained.  Instead of entertainment, I got the most overwhelming feeling of disappointment ever experienced from a book-turned-movie.  What a disaster this movie was!  I don’t know how a movie could miss the mark on so many levels.  I left the theater in complete and utter disbelief.

I know there is usually some disappointment associated with seeing a movie made from your favorite book; but, that kind of disappointment is usually because they left out some of your favorite parts or just kinda had a character a bit off from how you imagined him or her.  But, this movie, it failed on EVERYTHING…the ultimate in failure.  I’m sorry, but I’m not exaggerating.

If you have not seen Twilight yet, please DO NOT see this movie!  Just read the book!  This movie literally played out like a made-for-TV special.  The dialogue was horrible, the music was atrocious, the photography was horrid, the effects were unrelentingly disappointing.  Sparkling vampire–ah, more like sweating vampire.  The sparkle effect probably had to be the most disappointing aspect of the not-so-special effects.

You know a movie is bad when you’re noticing the music and saying to yourself, ‘What is this?’ The music did not fit the feel of any of the scenes.  The filming/photography could only be defined as amateur at best–felt like a film student’s project, or like I said before, a made-for-TV movie.  BAD BAD BAD!

I know I might get a lot of criticism from other fan girls out there, but anyone who happened to be at The Bridge Theater in LA last night will know exactly what I’m talking about:  the crowd was all excited, screaming out, “Edward, I love you!” or “Team Jacob!”… even a dude shouted, “Team Bella!”  Then, as the movie plodded along, the excitement slowed, and slowed, and slowed…and then literally crawled to a pathetic ending with absolutely no response from the audience.

I’m telling you– I am (unfortunately) NOT exaggerating.  You know how if you see a Star Trek or Potter film, the crowd usually applauds and gets a little energized at the end?  All still excited to have been a part of the premiere movie-going excitement and energy?  This film?  Not one clap from the audience–it was almost as if we were all sitting there stunned;  just sat there in complete silence.  And not because it was an impactful ending or anything like that.  It was more like we were just sitting there thinking, ‘What? … Did the movie just end?’ — in that moment, I know, we were feeling so cheated.

The disappointment was like nothing I have ever seen in a movie theater before.  We just sat through 2 1/2 hours, at a midnight showing, of a really bad NBC or ABC Family Special and these horrible movie makers  really really duped us, trying to pass this off as a real movie.  Boy, were we dumb to get caught up in the Twilight movie frenzy.  And how awful were they to let us down so blatantly?  I think they knew it was this bad and that’s why they put so much effort and money into the marketing–get people to pre-buy their tix, cuz once the word is out on the steet, it’s gonna be bad.

It’s too late for me, but maybe not for you–if you haven’t read the book, please please please don’t see this movie–it’ll only turn you off.  And, if you have read the book, I know that you’ll likely still see the movie because you’re curiosity and hope will drive you to, but I’d be shocked if you actually reported back that you liked it.

Once again I am I disgusted for loving VH1’s I Love Money. That’s right, this episode doesn’t disappoint. Last week, not so much, this week, much better!

Again, the focus of the show is the drama, spending only the first 20 min or so on the preparation and completion of the so-called challenge. Really it is just another way to gross out the viewers. This week it is a kissing contest, lucky for Mr. Boston, he paired himself with Chance! Mind you this was before it was known that kissing would be involved, still hilarious! Chance refused to kiss Mr. Boston, therefore disqualifying his team. This isn’t the first time Chance wasn’t a team player.

The next 40 min plays out with drunken alliances and cat fights between slighted lovers. Megan tries to go for 12pack, but plays it so Heather thinks it is 12pack making the moves, and breaks them up.

Awe! so sad!! Can’t they all just get along?

Another love triangle plays out between Destiney, Heat, and The Entertainer. Destiney and Heat are ‘together’ but The Entertainer likes Destiney, so when Heat and Chance get into a hissy fit over the disqualification, Destiney jumps to Heats defense. When Chance fires back at Destiney, Heat fails to come to her defense and Destiney starts to cry. She sobs to The Entertainer that she has feelings! Skanks hurt too, yo!

OH! and she confesses that she is like minutes away from starting her period. ewwwwww! TMI Destiney. Seriously girl on national TV? Why?

So The Entertainer was picked as team captain this time around and he chooses to think with his heart loins and sends Heat packing, keeping Megan.

YES! I heart Megan! She is my favorite by far.

Next week’s sneak peek looks like a blow out between Mr. Boston and Chance, goody goody!

I can’t wait!! I disgust myself.

Continuing to watch this crap, so you don’t have to!

New Yorker magazine should be ashamed of their upcoming cover art which depicts presidential candidate Barack Obama and his wife as anti-American terrorists. Never before have I witnessed such distasteful and disgraceful imagery on the cover of a magazine that I once respected.

The response from the New Yorker has been that the cover was meant to be satire, playing on the politics of fear prevalent in the country these days. I would like to ask the editors at the magazine what the intention was behind the cover. If it was meant to provoke those who harbor such ignorant beliefs to think about their rationality, they missed their mark by a long-shot. If anything, I would say they helped to further push that ignorance on the public.

Bill Burton, spokesman for the Obama campaign called the cover, “tasteless and offensive.” That pretty much says it. It wasn’t funny. Look for yourself, let it sit a minute. How sad that we live in a time where an intelligent, charismatic candidate is attacked publicly in this way for no justifiable reason. Yeah, his middle name is Hussain, not helpful to his image, but is that reason to doubt his sincerity or his ability to lead this country?

I usually stay away from the subject of politics, but this one I had to speak on. I think Obama is one of the only chances that this country has at redeeming itself in the eyes of the rest of the world. Lets face it, the last eight years have not been good for our public image, Bush has done a great job at demonizing America to the world.

If there isn’t a drastic change in our foreign policy and an end to this ridiculous war, we have little to no hope of turning this around and becoming a part of the world community. Whether or not you like Obama, I think we can all agree that we don’t want to be seen by the rest of the world as ignorant racists. Even though people with that low level of tolerance and intelligence do exist in this country, do we really want to illustrate their ignorance and have it front row at the news stands? Do we believe that people overseas will find this funny? That they will recognize it as satire and be amused?

People are offended here at home, why would the rest of the world be any different? It’s a true outrage to allow this bigotry to stand. The New Yorker owes Obama and his wife an apology and should be pulling the cover before its published and distributed. Clearly, this will never happen, and these cheap theatrics will probably sell a record number of magazines, but they will never see a dollar from this outraged whiteboy again.

VH1’s I Love Money does a tremendous job stretching a good half-hour worth of footage into a full blown hour.

This week’s installation was chalk full of awesome sound effects–like when The Entertainer removed his sunglasses & there was a sound to accompany it for dramatic affect. That’s some serious drama people. Hilarious! Little things like that make this show…

Or, wait…maybe it’s actually that and the chicks in bikinis.

The plot thickened with this episode when it was revealed that the team members had to choose another team captain; and, also with each challenge a new person will be picked for team captain. One person cannot be captain twice in a row. Being captain has its perks, because if you’re on the winning team, you actually pick who goes home from the loosing team. HMMM… how very RR/RW Challenge of them.

After a session of jousts with giant Q-tips on a “bed” suspended above the ocean, the Green team was victorious, with Mr. Boston winning the last battle and clinching the victory for his team. Cra-zy!

Outcome: Pumpkin and Toastee plot and Nibblz is sent home. Sidenote: Can I just say Pumpkin has packed on the pounds? Anyhow, I predict that Toastee is next to go, and Brandi C and Megan are not too far behind! But I digress.

VH1 does a great job of inserting interview clips and reactions from players to stretch out a scene that could play out on its own in less than a minute. They also get good use out of their slow mo replay button. All this effort makes for a long hour, but I did laugh out loud a few times so I applaud– job well done!

Ugh! Yes, I hate myself for loving this!

I can already see the producers foreshadowing some romances that are going to come up later in the series, because it wouldn’t be celebreality without make out sessions and broken hearts! Dang, I cant wait!!! I think it is going to be juicy and drama filled. I know VH1 wont let me down. They don’t hype up the challenges too much, because they know everyone tunes in for the drama and skanks. It’s the bread and butter!

You too can keep abreast of the winners, losers, and those who had to ‘bounce,’ as the host Craig Jackson says, by going here.

I will continue to watch, self loath, & bring you updates, so you don’t have to!

Hancock was freakin awesome! Don’t worry, no spoilers!

Will Smith has done it again. Everything this man touches turns into box office gold! He has to be the surest bet in Hollywood right now, as this was his 6th consecutive hit. Hancock has grossed about $103,887,446 so far and it has only been out a week.

Basically it is a wicked awesome action movie that doesn’t get all stupid with love scenes and character development. You are thrown into his world and play catch up as the movie progresses. Charlize is of course hot and on point with her nicely form physic, as was Will. Jason Batemen plays a nice comic relief but doesn’t over due it. The movie is full of funny one liners and has enough attitude that will win over parents.  There is cursing so this isn’t really a movie for young ones that into the repeating stage.  In fact right after the first bad word I inexplicably heard a young voice in the theater say it right away. PG13 people!!

All the actors are truly believable in their roles. The only thing that I thought it lacked was a tad more action. The movie runs about an hour and a half, and they could have beefed it up to maybe hour forty five and added some more drunken flying around LA or extended fight scenes. All in all well worth the eight bucks and I would recommend to any action fan.

Oh and a black super hero? My only question is; why did it take so long?! We need more of these!

After watching the much promoted VH1 show ‘I Love Money’ I am left with not only a bad taste in my mouth, but a distinct feeling that can only be described as disgust. Disgusted with myself for watching… and enjoying! Also disgusted by the sight of Mr. Boston in a black bikini.

The show starts off with the massive cast of 17 trying to disembark off of the boats that brought them to the remote Mexico location. So one by one they jump off and either land it and make their way to shore, or, like The Entertainer, simply go for it and get completely soaked–suitcase and all.

The drama already begins when it is time for the cast to choose a bed, 16 beds, 17 people. HMMM… Someone is already going home.

With libations in hand, and some of the women in bikinis, everyone begins to mingle. Even though they’ve literally just gotten off the boats, some people are already pissing off other people–in Mexico for just a few hours and already talking smack (I am talking to you Midget Mac!). Enough fun, time to get down to business! The cast learns the rules and process of elimination for the coming weeks until only one is left standing and wins the $250,000 prize. One by one they stand before the host, Craig Jackson, and say how the prize money would change their lives. Some were honorable, but who remembers that? What I do remember, is Midget Mac saying that $200,000 would go to his parents and the other $50,000.00 would go to strippers.

*cough*

NIIICCCCEEEEE! There is a man with a plan!

Pumpkin said that she would buy boobs; to which Megan made the hilarious comment of ‘floppy boob sock.’

Classic.

Watch out Megan, Pumpkin spits!

The cast is then told to put on these skimpy black bikinis (yes, the men too!) and get ready for their first challenge. Most of the men go for it, hence Mr. Boston reference earlier, but Midget Mac absolutely refuses and is thus disqualified. The challenge is to go into a money booth and stuff pesos in their swim suit and the two with the most money become team captains. Yet another is disqualified when Chance refuses to take his bandanna off before going into the booth.

Play-uh hasta look sharp at all times, why they gotta hate?!

Mr. Boston gives everyone a nice flash of his goods when removing bills from the front of his bikini bottoms. Yeah, it was bad. Real bad.

Hoopz and White Boy are the captains and after a round or two of everyone sucking up, they pick their teams Dodge Ball style. One by one everyone is picked by either Hoopz or White Boy until there is only Nibblz, Brandi C., and Midget Mac left standing. They are each told to plea their case to the captains because whoever isn’t picked, is sent home.

It’s Midget Mac.

Sorry little guy! Hasta luego! Rocas del retroceso.

To keep abreast of all the team changes and who is who, click here.

Ok, I am going to make my predictions that The Entertainer will make it to the end, along with Hoopz and White Boy.

I will see you all next Sunday for the next juicy episode! Hopefully I wont catch crabs through my television set….

Inspired by fellow Hollywire blogger Syndeee’s post on this past weekend’s box office champ “Wall-E,” I feel compelled to leave my two cents about last Friday’s other big Hollywood film, “Wanted.”

Starring Oscar winner Morgan Freeman, new “it” boy James McAvoy and the one and only Angelina Jolie (yes that is her buff arm holding the shiny gun on all the posters as if you should be wondering), I ventured out for happy hour and an 8 pm showing last Friday figuring it couldn’t be too bad. Between McAvoy, who I thought to be by far the best part of the otherwise dull “Antonement” and Jolie, who deserves some lovin’ after her a-m-a-z-i-n-g turn in last summer’s “A Mighty Heart,” I was pretty psyched.

.

However by the end of this action film following a group of assassins, my friend Maya, a HUGE Angie fan herself, was doing her makeup ready to go for round two of happy hour margaritas. Next to her, I was literally laughing out loud at some of the hokey dialogue thinking that no one in the entire theater could have actually been enjoying the movie by this point in the game. But after trying to get a refund and writing a scathing review for my college paper (much to the dismay of the other editors) it seems moviegoers are split.

“Wanted” is either one of those movies you love or you hate and I need to hear from fellow Hollywire bloggers and our devoted readers alike as their reactions to the film. I’m trying to understand my opposition but looking back at one of worst films I’ve seen in a long time ever, I need justification for your opinions either way. Why do you share my sentiments in loathing the very existence of this film OR why do you think you would go back in time and choose to spend $10 plus on this again.

I’m begging you Hollywire, you’re my only hope!

1. You are awesomely hot

Seriously, hot… like ‘take your shirt off I wanna rub oil on your chest’ hot. I first noticed that when I went to see Transformers in the theater, my heart and tummy did funky back flips when he came on screen. They way he looked at Megan Fox (who lives up to her name BTW!) it made me want him to look at me like that, and yea, it freaked me out! This is the guy from Holes for Christ sake! I set the timer on my T.V. to come on when he was on Letterman the other night, I hear his name and I perk up I can’t help it! I am obsessing over him and I can’t stop, I need like some sort of a step program. But not 12 of them, thats overkill.

2. You kinda creep me out

The fact that he is 6 years younger then me is enough to creep me out (not sure if that would technically make me a “cougar” or not…) I am usually into older gentlemen ala Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, George Clooney, Brad Pitt. Well you get the picture, So I have no idea why I am so sprung on this kid! But then there is a weird cadence to his speaking in interviews, and he gets all shifty and fidgety and looks around a lot. Like he is so uncomfortable that it makes you uncomfortable, I totally love it and I want to hug him so he will stop moving…. and then sit on his lap, oh yeah, I went there…. what?!

3. You stay away from the party scene and care about your craft

I think I found one Les Deux drunken paparazzi video and he was just like standing there, not scandalous at all! He totally runs like hell when they come anywhere near him, who does that?! Shia LaBeouf does! When asked about the club scene and all the young stars partying it up in a Entertainment Weekly interview, he had this to say;

”It could all go away tomorrow if I’m at a club drinking like an asshole,” adding that, “someone like Lindsay Lohan’s personality is [more] famous than her performance.”

Not only does he ad lib a lot, which adds realness, but he adds an angst to his roles that make the characters believable. Talented men are sexy.

4. You are wicked awesome with a sarcastic sense of humor

He totally doesn’t take himself seriously and that is so endearing and hot. He started off doing stand up when he was 10 and apparently his material was very dirty, I totally dig the dirty jokes. He is so dry in interviews and that sends me! I would love to just go back and forth with the snarky dry comments. I get you Shia LaBeouf.

5. You run really, really fast

He challenged a photog that was following him in D.C. to a foot race and totally won! Fast runners are soooo hot! It gets me every time! I love a man that can run, don’t ask me why,

and he has really pretty eyes

see….

So yea, Shia you can email me anytime at kristin@hollywire.com your comments are always welcome!

Boxer Mike Tyson (best known for biting Holyfield’s ear during a Vegas match) has recently retired, and was spotted around town looking like he may have packed on a few pounds.  Poor Mike has gone from fit to flab!  Check out the before and after:

Before; young, svelte, and tight!

AFTER!

Yikes!

Looks like the only one he is laying out anymore is himself, on his sofa! Mike, just because you aren’t in the spotlight anymore doesn’t mean its time to get lazy.  We get it, you’re retired and you can still take it easy and relax, just take it easy on the junk food and relax the donut eating!

OK, I am sorry, you look great!! …please don’t hit me!

We all know that the camera adds 10 pounds. So, it’s a pretty standard industry fact that celebrities must be skinner in real life than in pictures or movies to compensate for this. But, with female celebrities today, it seems like the fine line between skinny and anorexic has been crossed. The disease is so rampant among the celebrity community, I begin to wonder if this may be a new fashion trend? Is only skin in?

The dictionary definition of anorexia is an eating disorder, marked by an extreme fear of becoming overweight, that leads to excessive dieting to the point of serious ill-health and sometimes death. Basically it’s when you diet too much and look like a twig because the little devil sitting on your shoulder keeps saying you’re fat. It’s a serious issue and yet it’s very prevalent among the countries leading role models. These are the very people that women, children, society, look to as ideals of beauty and instead of showing a healthy, in shape body, stars like Kate Bosworth and Keira Knightly, Lindsey Lohan, and Nicole Richie reveal a sickly, emaciated corpse that is not only unhealthily dangerous, it’s just plain ugly.

Back in the 1950s, 1960s, the average women was a size 6. The average celebrity was a size four. (Marilyn Monroe was a size six) Today, the average women is a size 12. The average celebrity is a size 0 or 2.The average clothing size in stores is a four and most mainstream clothing boutiques don’t sell shorts longer than your upper thigh. Shirts are tight fitting, pants are slim cut, and stores always carry plenty of extra smalls. Are all of these things attempts to turn the average women into an anorexic celebrity? Are stores promoting a deadly disease? As America gets bigger celebrities get smaller. Is this some sort of compensation? Is the ideal of beauty always the opposite of reality? When America becomes obese do celebrities have to be anorexic?
We know anorexia kills yet each day more and more celebrities come out into the spotlight sporting the disease like a badge of beauty. Even the ones you think are “perfectly thin” aren’t. Is this just another fashion trend like leg warmers or tie dye shirts doomed to inevitably change with the seasons? If so what’s next? Skeletons? Pro Bulimia t-shirts? Or maybe just thin, but with more than skin, will be finally in?