Celebs say the darndest things! Check out five of the best quotes I heard this week…

“I’m way too high-maintenance to be in a relationship with an actor – they’re all such divas!”
– Jessica Alba, on her marriage to Cash Warren, in British Cosmopolitan magazine.

“When I was a child, I would kill small animals and wear their teeth as necklaces. True. Print that. And I’ve always felt deep down that I was born a woman.”
– John Mayer, poking fun at the media’s intense coverage of everything he says, at his St. Louis concert.

“Of course I threw up in the bathroom, it was better than throwing up on their face.”
– Susan Olsen, explaining her hungover run to the bathroom during a radio interview, to Colorado Springs’ KKTV.

Gordon Ramsay: “Dustin, can you stop burning ‘em? Twenty seconds only!”
Dustin Hoffman: “That’s what she said.”
– An unlikely comedic duo, cooking fajitas with Jay Leno, on The Tonight Show.

“If I win, it’s because of my natural ability, and if I lose, it’s because I wasn’t trying so hard.”
– Kelly Ripa, right before racing against other women in high heels, on Live with Regis and Kelly.

And there ya have it! Heard anything else that you think tops any of these funny ones?! Let’s hear it.