Another Bald-Faced Lie Right There in the Title - 'Dan In Real Life' Review...
There was something that told me that Dan in Real Life was going to be a great comedy, one of those overlooked gems that come along and don’t get the recognition that they deserve until years later (like The Big Lebowski). Man was I wrong. This is a sappy, awkward, uncomfortable drama that thinks it’s a comedy but ultimately never figures out which direction to go. It presumes to give us a realistic story of a single father raising three daughters some years after the death of his wife and their mother, but then gives us a cheesy, half-wit sitcom that’s about as realistic as The Great Outdoors and not 1/10 as funny.Dan is a single father raising three daughters…oh wait, I already said that. We learn about the relationship between Dan and his daughters as they’re gearing up for the road trip out to their annual family reunion. The youngest daughter is wise beyond her years, the middle daughter is suffering through the disillusionment of discovering that her father isn't Superman like she always believed, and the oldest teenage daughter is in love with some punk teenager, and Dan finding thongs in her laundry doesn’t make him feel any better.
In fact, the only thing that is remotely realistic about the movie is the relationship between Dan and the girls. The tension in the house is through the roof and is never overdone or unrealistic, but it’s also never funny even for a second.
Ok, so here’s what happens, you’ll love this. Soon after arriving to meet the family, Dan is in a bookstore and has a highly scripted run-in with Marie (Juliette Binoche), a beautiful brunette with whom Dan feels an immediate connection. They have a spontaneous conversation for hours before she gets a phone call and has to leave, revealing to Dan that she is already in a relationship. Dan goes back to his house and starts talking about this amazing woman he just met, and then his brother Mitch proudly introduces his girlfriend, Marie, to the family.
[caption id="attachment_30096" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="A rare example of a single frame that might define how un-funny an entire movie is. "]
[/caption]So most of the comedy results from Dan and Marie trying to keep their secret from the family, but unfortunately all it leads to is a lot of awkward and uncomfortable situations that even the eternally awkward Ben Stiller might hesitate to be a part of. Dan is summarily ignored by everyone in the family while they dote on Marie, urging her and Mitch to get married and acting as if Dan’s not even there. Dan loses his cool and creates a huge scene during dinner. Marie and Mitch get all cuddly and touchy feely in front of Dan and I guess we’re supposed to laugh good-naturedly as he sits there suffering.
Oh but wait, that’s not even the good part! There is a scene in this movie where Dan’s brother-in-law, while in the same room with Dan’s mother and father, urges Dan to masturbate so he doesn’t get too “backed up.” He reminds Dan, in front of his mother, about how important it is to “unplug the drain.” God, it was awful.
I’m gonna go ahead and put something out there. First of all, this is not an original scene. It was as old as the hills when it came up in American Pie ten years ago, but I’m going to go ahead and suggest that such a thing has never ever ever ever happened in real life. Such things only happen in bad comedies like Dan in, ahem, "Real Life."
[caption id="attachment_30097" align="alignright" width="300" caption="See? I told you! It really happens! Just like that! Just like real life, right? Right??"]
[/caption]Every cliché is represented here. The tactless brother-in-law, the obligatory scene showing that people in movies don’t understand that dance-offs are simply not funny, the sketchy blind date with the chick who turns out to be crazy hot, even (my favorite) the oops-I’m-so-sorry-I-just-fell-down-and-well-shucks-here-I-am-laying-right-on-top-of-you routine. What ever happened to real life? The title of this movie is an even bigger lie than Friday the 13th Part VI: The Final Chapter! Eight chapters later, I’d just like to finally put this on the record - Final chapter my ass!!
Or consider this. There’s a scene in the movie where Dan finds himself standing in the shower fully clothed with Marie while she showers with Dan’s daughter just outside the shower curtain talking to Marie about her love and sex worries.
So if you imagine such a thing could ever be amusing, then by all means I won’t dissuade you from watching this movie. But I will tell you this - I can imagine that there was a time when this movie looked good on paper, but something went wrong along the way and the result is a static, depressing drama without a scrap of personality.
[caption id="attachment_30098" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Seriously, would this woman ever be interested in someone like Dane Cook? Am I alone on this?"]
[/caption]And one of the biggest problems is that Juliette Binoche, a tremendously talented actress, doesn’t have a shred of chemistry with anyone on screen and looks completely out of place anywhere in the movie. She comes across as a classy European traveler, and the movie never aspires to explain how such a woman could end up with a tool like Dane Cook.
The movie wants to be a charming family romantic comedy about love gone wrong and then right, or something like that, but unfortunately it comes across as a thoroughly depressing snooze-fest that is neither realistic nor amusingly fictional. The story ultimately contorts back on itself and forces a cookie-cutter Hollywood ending and even a cloying inspirational voice-over speech that rivals the one at the end of Bride Wars for pure, happy crappiness. Let’s just be honest, shall we? The thing is a train wreck. Enjoy at your own risk!
[caption id="attachment_30101" align="aligncenter" width="151" caption="2 Beans out of 5."]
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