It’s interesting that I enjoyed G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra as much as I did, because when I was a kid I was only a passing fan of the cartoon, which I can’t imagine I’ve laid eyes on in probably almost 20 years, and I’m developing an automatic aversion to the endless avalanche of old tv shows being adapted into new Hollywood blockbusters. Every time I hear about a new remake of a classic cartoon or old tv show I instinctively roll my eyes at the money grabbing resulting from a lack of new ideas. If they remake Ducktales or He-Man into special effects-laden live action movies I just don’t know how I’m going to handle it. On the other hand, these things tend to make money at the box office and yes, they’re not all bad. Some are total crapfests (hear that, Rocky & Bullwinkle?), but there is the occasional gem. I hesitate to call G.I. Joe a gem, but it’s definitely a lot better than I expected.

I was pleasantly surprised, in particular, that despite the special effects being absolutely wall-to-wall as expected, they still somehow managed to maintain some semblance of the atmosphere of the original cartoon, which I vaguely remember. However, I can tell you right now that it is the special effects – which are impressive even during the many times when they’re wildly unconvincing – that are going to put a lot of people off of the movie, which admittedly may very well give you a headache. And not only because of Marlon Wayans.

Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans struggle to keep straight faces before hopping into the most awesome suits ever created in the history of awesomeness.

I’ve never seen Marlon Wayans in a movie that I liked – he almost single-handedly ruined the already misguided The Ladykillers remake in 2004 – but in G.I. Joe he was actually some of the best comic relief. Channing Tatum has flown outside my radar for the most part so far, but I think he was perfectly cast in this movie. He’s a great example of a good looking, square-jawed all-American soldier, and he has a great moment at the end of the film which, thankfully, is the only moment when the movie threatens to become overly patriotic. I’m all for patriotism, but there’s nothing worse than an action movie, especially one based on an old cartoon, turning into a commercial for the military. I hate that.

So here’s your plot in a sparse 100 words – an elite team of the U.S. Army is escorting a shipment of super-high-tech microscopic bugs that can eat through anything – a tank, for example -  in a matter of seconds. Somewhere along the way they’re hijacked by some seemingly inhuman soldiers in a crazy craft with crazy weapons, and the search is on to figure out who is behind the attack, what they want the killer critters for, and what were the real motivations of their creator in the first place. Oh, and along the way our heroes get to get into Accelerator suits. I can’t wait for these things!

The Eiffel Tower gets it's ass kicked by some metal-eating bugs in G.I. Joe

Now, believe it or not, the plot is actually pretty important in this movie, which is part of the reason why I’m not revealing many details. The story is much more complicated than you would expect, and by the time the movie is over it is made pretty obvious that this is going to be the first of at least three movies. Fans of the original cartoon will have a blast seeing the portrayal and development of well-known characters, and even people unfamiliar with the cartoon will find a lot to be entertained by. The Eiffel Tower getting its ass kicked by metal-eating bugs.The sheer barrage of digital effects can get to be a bit much from time to time, but from time to time they are also pretty freaking amazing.

Director Stephen Sommers is no stranger to the special effects-heavy action movie, but with G.I. Joe he covers some new ground and definitely makes some real progress in the quality department, which is a welcome surprise, especially given that no one doubts that a series of sequels will follow this movie. The story is well-developed and features a lot of cool characters that fit nicely into the structure of the source material, including Storm Shadow (Byung hun-Lee), Baronness and Scalett O’Hara (Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols), a couple of crazy hotties who amazingly turn out to not be too pointlessly distracting, and my favorite, Snake Eyes (Ray Park).

Stephen Sommers also brought us such mild entertainment as The Mummy and Van Helsing, but with G.I. Joe he has pulled out all the stops and gone for a full-blast special effects/action extravaganza.  I was a little put off at first by the latent romantic tensions wandering around in the movie, barely connected to anything, although in retrospect I’m glad to see that they have updated the subject matter to appeal to some of the show’s original audiences rather than make an action movie for kids. That would have been a disaster! But it’s a big, loud, fast, adrenaline-packed thrill ride of a movie. It’s a summer blockbuster, for better or for worse, and certainly enjoyable for what it is.

The Bean Meter

3.5 Beans out of 5.