Another Rocky movie is definitely a long shot, to say the least. Stallone came out with a new Rocky movie and a new Rambo movie pretty close to each other, so it’s pretty easy to assume that he’s having career trouble and desperate for a couple of new hits. I haven’t seen the new Rambo yet, but I just watched Rocky Balboa and it was much better than I expected. I remember one scene in Rocky III where a newscaster said something like “A comeback for Balboa at age 34 is a longshot indeed,” and that was more than two decades ago!

Adrian has died of cancer and Rocky has become a restaurant owner, still loved and respected throughout his community by pretty much everyone except for the people who are immediate and stunning a$$holes to him. What was the deal with that teenage girl berating him at the bar at the beginning? Are there really teenagers who act like that? And why didn’t the bartender swiftly boot her and her clearly underage friends out into the street where they belong?

Clearly, this was an attempt to show how times have changed, from that foul-mouthed little girl in the first movie who Rocky walked home and gave his famous pep-talk to (and who, by the way, is now the bartender), and into these clownish teenagers. Sad, how the times have changed.

Even sadder, the changing times don’t stop at the teens. The neighborhood is falling apart, all the old places that we have come to know and love from the first five movies are all dilapidated wrecks, and Rocky takes a few reminiscent strolls through the neighborhood, remembering fond memories.

The whole beginning of the movie is pretty sappy, but the movie becomes interesting (and strikingly predictable) when we meet the new Heavyweight Champion of the World, which himself must also be a suggestion of how times have changed for the worse.

The Heavyweight champions used to be enormous fighting machines, guys of unbelievable size who are carved out of wood and represent truly formidable and intimidating opponents.

So what is the deal with this Mason “The Line” Dixon? Antonio Tarver is a real life light heavyweight fighter with a highly impressive record, but he does not for one second look like a world heavyweight champion. I knew guys on the junior varsity football team at my high school who looked more like heavyweight champions than this guy. He may be a good fighter, but he’s just not a heavyweight champion, especially not a movie champion.

At any rate, you know those guys who sit around those noisy TV studios talking about sports after the game? I always thought those were some of the goofiest guys on TV (they’re like frat boys in fancy suits), but soon they start talking about how the undefeated Dixon has been spoon-fed all of his opponents, and that back in the old days Rocky fought much tougher, harder fights.

You may remember this form of media taunting as the major catalyst that drove Rocky II, but this time around they have the technology to actually computer generate a theoretical fight between Rocky, in his prime, and Dixon. Rocky scores a pretty decisive win and Dixon, of course, is unimpressed.

Soon begins Dixon’s expected taunts and demands to fight Rocky, who is sort of dragged into the whole thing unwillingly. There is also the issue of his son, who has grown into an older version of the disrespectful little punk that he was in part 5. He has some uppity office job and is striving for respect among his colleagues and superiors, but can’t ever seem to get it because of who his father is. Needless to say, he’s not so enthusiastic about this new fight with Dixon, because no one takes Rocky even the tiniest bit seriously in the run-up to the fight.

Paulie is still around and still his old, lovable self. At one point he walks into Rocky’s restaurant and Marie (the little girl from the first movie who was a bartender in this one until she lost her job and started working for Rocky) asked him if he has a reservation, and he responds, “Do I look like a freakin’ Indian?” At least some things haven’t changed!

Despite Mason Dixon never for a second looking like a professional boxer, they did do a good job of making him an arrogant, immediately dislikable character. He’s an egotistic, pompous jerkoff, and when juxtaposed with Rocky’s ever-present charm, it’s impossible not to know how the movie is going to end.

Still, I won’t give it away. The important thing is that this is a respectable addition to the Rocky saga, and I think a successful and satisfactory conclusion to the series. Rocky is clearly getting to be an old man by now, but they do a good job of making us believe that he still has enough left in him for one more fight. And best of all, the very last line in the movie proves that he has still done it for all the right reasons…

4 Beans out of 5.